When pain felt really painful

Hi and assalamualaikum peeps 

It’s March already and I just have a few months before graduations. It’s either I graduate with flying colours or otherwise (nauzubillah hope that won't happen). I’ve been through a lot of ups and downs (obviously mine is filled with more downs than ups). I don’t know how to express this but it feels so hard. I feel constantly demotivated most of the time. Exams and projects haunted me. I have no idea how to deal with it. I am depressed, to be honest. Tears rolling down and the worst, I don’t know where to channel it. I do have friends but I seriously do not want to burden them with my problems.

I told you this is not my first time dealing with study difficulties. It happened a few times already when I was in Form 4, in Foundation center and here, in Bristol. I will explain in details in my next next post (hopefully it would be soon).


For every difficulty (higher level as I get older with more problems), I need to come out with new skills and hacks to overcome it. It’s like, the more advanced problems, the more advanced the solutions should be. Simple solutions won't work, trust me. New problems new solutions as simple as that.

Since I always endure it successfully (not to mention) up to this stage, I secured a scholarship to study abroad in the world top 50 (was a top 30 once) university. I could say, I achieve a lot up until now. Since I am a talkative person and lively. I always find my friends to talk with and have a nice conversation with them. Most of them find my stories inspiring that they asked me to write a blog just in case they want to ‘listen’ (read it obviously) again and again. This blog functions to remind myself (works like #notetoself) about what I have achieved so far. So, I hope they notice and aware the existence of this blog.

Back to my topic, recently, I got my final year project marks. I got 62. It’s a yayyy for me since my last year’s reports were in a range of 45-55. Then, it is such a huge improvement. I’m glad. But what makes me pretty sad is it’s still a long way to go to achieve 2:1 results. I need to get at least got 61% in each of my exams. Wow, that’s a wow. I don’t know how to achieve it.

God help me, please. I beg You. I’m dying, I need your help. My friend, a British, he doesn’t even finish his dissertation properly, yet he got 68. Could you please imagine if he could finish his dissertation, I’m sure he would get at least 75 and above. I honestly did not envy of him, in fact, I’m so happy that he’s happy with his marks… But I feel sad with mine.

I still work on another project, a very hard one I reckon. I don’t know how much marks I could achieve for this. This is so uncertain. I don’t know how to improve my grade.

I’m in need of help, I need someone. I don’t know. I’m clueless. Pleaseeeeee.

I don’t feel like meeting anybody. Isolating myself is the best thing to do now.

Farah.
xoxo