If it's not meant to be (2)


Hi and Assalamualaikum peeps

Halloooo, my results were out, I mean my exam results were out ! It is not all about the results but it’s mainly about securing the masters placement. Unfortunately, I didn’t pass the minimum requirement by my biological science school. It means I didn’t manage to secure the masters in Bristol. Along with currency fluctuations and political issues in Malaysia, most of the government-based scholarships like my very own MyBrainSc scholarship by Ministry of Education of Malaysia, JPA and MARA will take a break for a few years from sending Malaysian students abroad. This is due to our bad currency issue.

Nothing to blame except myself. I accepted that wholeheartedly. The failure to secure this placement does not mean that I am not a good student. It does not mean I don’t have any more chance after this. It means, Allah wants to test my patience just wanna think positive. So, I just need to be patient, pray and keep praying, have faith in Him always and if it’s doesn’t mean to be mine, so I just need to let it go.

Before I forget, I got some quote from my bestfriend. “If it’s meant to be yours, it will find its way to find you”. So, if I were fated to pursue my studies in masters, I would be a postgrad student one fine day. On the other hand, if it’s not meant to be mine, it would never suits me no matter how hard I try.

I am not losing and giving up all hopes and dream, I am just stating that I don’t want to give myself high hopes that would eventually kill my soul and spirit if I fail to achieve that. I always work hard for something that I want and sometimes, I achieve it and for the rest, I do not.

I am lying if I say that there’s no envy seeing my friends and siblings get higher achievements, first class results, representative the university, get appraisal from friends and relatives etc whereas I just could smile with my 3rd and 2nd class lower results despite my days and night for weeks in library and study centre. I sacrificed a lot. I rarely went out with my friends in order to spend more time studying. Ended up, I partially lost my friends and eventually I lost my life that were given by Allah to enjoy and spend it wisely. I went to the library as early as 5.30am (the latest) and would be home after 7pm more or less and will have my light dinner soon afterwards. I spent more than half a day in library every day. I would sleep at 9 or 10pm. By the way, I prefer to have heavy breakfast, moderate lunch and light dinner. I would awake at 4am and get ready for the new hectic and tiring day.

Some said, I need to be grateful.

Yes, indeed. I am trying to be grateful. That’s what I deserve. But I feel so tired and sometimes, like any other students (minority), I sometimes feel giving up everything. Hell no! Farah. I am just a biology students, not a medic or pharmacy or dentistry students. If I were struggling and barely able to survive doing biology, I simply think myself as a useless person. My friends doing medical still haven’t got any problem, passing in each of their exams.

Don’t have any words or motivations left for me.

Feel like fading away from this world

Help me! SOS
xoxo

Farah
1136 020812016 Perpustakaan Awam Negeri Terengganu

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